Educational information what is in the mind of a child who doesn't speak after being yelled?
Why do you think you are such a stupid boy,
Don't listen to anything! "
"I said that if you go from east to west, sooner or later you will suffer losses!"
"Don't do that! I've said it so many times, but I can't remember it once. Will it be the same next time?"
We always ask our children to have high EQ, but can we do it as parents?
I believe every parent has yelled at his child and been angry with him. When we try to change his mind and make him change his bad habits, we find that the child has become more and more rebellious and the parents feel more and more powerless.
At @ everyone
In this in-depth network awareness program, the famous actor Xiao Taohong shared an experience of yelling at her children.
Before Tao Hong went out, her daughter suddenly threw a glass of milk on the ground. Tao Hong subconsciously shouted at the child, "how can you do this?" At this time, the daughter suddenly trembled and looked at her mother timidly without saying a word. The child was frightened and didn't even cry as usual.
At this time, Taohong realized how stupid it was to yell at children and how much harm it would do to children!
Even the mother can't tolerate her child's mistakes. Who else in the world can tolerate her!
Tao Hong continued: the opportunity to correct her mistakes soon came. Not long after, her daughter threw milk on the ground again. This time, instead of yelling at the child, Tao Hong went up to hold the child tightly. At this time, the child cried with a loud cry. This time Taohong gave the child a sense of security, and the child trusted his parents more.
As for "yelling at children", many parents say that they are not afraid of crying after yelling at their children, nor are they afraid of Balabala... Reasoning with you afterwards.
I am afraid that I will encounter a child who does not cry or scold and turns his emotions into silence.
I have a friend who is not very old, but is already a mother with two children. A few days ago, she cried and said that she felt that she had failed to be a mother.
It turned out that after Er Bao was born, she was very anxious for some time. As long as Er Bao cried, she would roar at Da Bao for no reason.
Gradually, every time he was yelled at, Dabao stood aside, didn't cry, pursed his mouth and bowed his head, clutching the corners of his clothes with his fingers at a loss.
One day, she yelled at Dabao because of the toy. The child got into her grandmother's arms and cried, "I don't like this mother anymore. Take me with you." The child's words stung her like a needle!
Picture source: 400 blows
For children, there is a kind of helplessness in the world, that is, "mom thinks it's impossible not to shout.". As for parents, there is a kind of despair in the world that "after yelling at their children, they don't know what the silent little thing is thinking.". Compared with the children who talk back and reason with their parents, the children who don't speak after being yelled are the ones who worry and worry their parents the most.
The fact that a child does not speak after being yelled at is actually a manifestation of psychological trauma.
The reasons are as follows:
Out of fear, some children feel hurt safely and no longer trust their parents. Emotionally, they forcibly cut off the connection with their parents, distancing themselves from their parents. In their hearts, they begin to doubt whether their parents don't love me anymore
Some children are used to it. They just break the pot. Although they are not satisfied with it, they are too lazy to refute it. Deliberately using this "uncooperative" to annoy parents, the subtext is "I can't afford to be provoked, I can hide";
The most serious problem is that children feel that their self-esteem has been crushed, they have emotional disorders, they are no longer confident, and they even have inferiority complex and autistic tendencies. They are afraid that what they say to their parents is wrong.
As a parent, it is difficult to avoid yelling at children because of the deep love and responsibility.
If the injury has been formed, what should parents do to remedy it afterwards?
---Put down your body to appease the frightened child
Although we all tell ourselves to be a loving mother and father, we can't face naughty bear children and our temper will be ignited every minute.
Once we can't help yelling at our child, please remember to hug your child in time after the mood calms down and tell him: "mom is angry because you did something wrong. Although she yelled at you, her love for you has not decreased at all."
---Guide children to express their emotions
Emotions are energetic. Parents yell at their children, but negative energy is transmitted to them. Children are projected by negative energy, feel afraid, and resist this energy by not talking.
But in fact, many children do not have the ability to digest negative energy. If they do not speak for a long time, they will only let negative energy accumulate in their hearts.
So if you can't help yelling at your child, parents must calmly guide the child to say what they really think, and teach the child to express and eliminate emotions.
---Accept your own imperfections and accept the imperfections of your children
They all hope that "Jackie Chan and Jackie Chan" can help their children live and grow up in the perfect way in their hearts. Once a child's growth trajectory deviates from his imagination, his parents will be furious.
But in fact, every child is unique. He can only be himself, not a copy of his parents, nor can he completely grow into what his parents want.
In the face of children, the greatest civilization of adults is to try to understand what they do from the perspective of children and guide their growth in a way that they are willing to accept.
You must treat him as a "person" equally, not as a "weak person" to conquer.
Yelling at a child can not change anything except deeply hurting the child and the parent-child relationship; Only with warm words, patient companionship and wise guidance can children grow up happily and healthily!
Language is a double-edged sword. It can hurt and heal people.
A person may be confident for life because of one word, or become inferior because of one word.
Roaring is not the best way to solve the problem. Only with the language of love can we nourish the child's heart